It’s crazy what passion does to you.
It blurs your vision, makes you go crazy, head over heels even, making you think it’s the only thing you need.
It paints the most perfect picture in your head. The one in which you believe, the one which you know, can come true. The one with the happy endings, one partner, a cup of coffee, a fireplace and a good book for your lazy Sunday evenings.
Wanting this perfect dream of yours, you work. You work hard. Step by step, inch by inch, drop by drop, and in this path of yours to reach the perfect image, you will stumble and fall down a couple of hundred times, but that is only the beginning to your journey.
Many times, I would believe, “This is it, this is what I’ve always wanted, this is what I thought was perfect, life can’t get better”.
And that’s exactly when you fall. You fall so hard you don’t even realize whether you’re standing on top of the world or sitting underneath the depths of the waves.
So I did.
Not just underneath the waves, but underneath the depths of insanity, where the doors were locked and the key was confidence, attempts, revival.
Not having a clue of how hard I’d fallen in this lalaland of happy places, imaginary faces, dreamy eyes and unbroken ties, I joined the crowd, got lost in the tears and held on to nothing but pen a paper.
Soon enough, a crippling sadness bellowed my stomach, making my throat sore, painful and drained.
I relived every moment in my head, sad and happy, that had been placed by these honorable people. But the sadness turned into pain, and it felt painful just to breathe.
So I let the ink flow, I wrote down each word, each detail and each event, turning into someone with large exterritorial walls, who was looking for the air in the middle of the bottomless ocean. A change was required, a change that was the start of my revival.
And that change, simply strikes you over a cup of coffee on any wonderful morning, where the realization of having enough of this whirlwind sets in.
Maybe we don’t outgrow people; maybe we don’t outgrow feelings. The feelings of fake starting over’s and more happy faces can’t hide the strong signs of acrimony.
We just learn to adjust with time, and more people.
So I let time heal me.
Heal me of the fresh wounds that had been placed, the ones that I had just realized had gotten deeper, deeper than the depths of the waves of insanity.
The desire to achieve magazine cover happiness may seem like a star you can reach out to with just a stretch of a hand, but hiding behind each little item placed in that magazine cover is the work of another 50 people.
So have desires, have passions, have dreams, and set goals.
But know your limits, know your potential, and judge you situations, don’t let other people control you.
Do what you want, cut things off, start afresh, go skydiving or for a walk with the little boy across the street.
remember to judge the depths of the waves of your insanity before you reach the shores of your emotion filled ocean.