Silent Screams

 

I danced across the misty hallway,

saw you appear in the dark,

hoping someone would make way,

And realize I’m lost.


My shattered dreams,

Screamed silent screams,

with a smile, although, I covered it all.


My coats hid my scars,

Tears dried under the sun,

Filled my feelings into jars,

Hey, I’m having fun.


Then came he,

you said, it wasn’t meant to be.

He picked my hand,

He kissed my head,

And I forgot you entirely.



 

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Fireworks

She was a firework, the ones that shoot up high, all the way to the sky.

She was the fireworks on the fourth of July.
Warm, when she’d dance around the halls with that 4-year-old charmer.

Sparkling, with that shimmer in her eyes filled with curiosity.

Loud, loud enough for everyone to stop what they were doing and listen.

Magnificent, when you’d see her walking self doubtingly along those corridors.

Enchanting, when she’s telling you those random little stories that pop into her mind, and you can’t help but listen to her describe every little detail about that evening in the park with her dad.
She was a firework, the ones that shoot up high, all the way to the sky,

Somewhere amidst the clouds, and don’t come back down.



“OMG, my _____ is so weird.”

We hold a lot of power within ourselves.
We have so much influence, we don’t realize it.


Let me tell you a little tale.
A tale of a girl regular, average 8th grader girl, who’d stand in front of the mirror on her less bright days and curse out words, hurtful, mean words to herself, in the mirror.
Cursing her not only on her appearance, but also on her self-worth,her useless existence, her disfigured life, and what not.
This cursing wasnt a one or two dayy-a-month thing.
These less bright days would occur more frequently, more she’d so it, more satisfaction she’d receive.
Being so negative to herself, she never realized she was killing her thoughts, emotions, confidence, her everything.
And, maybe, even if she did, she wasn’t bothered, as she believed she deserved the pain.

This sad truth was very common and it became a habit, each time to look into the mirror and find faults. Often, even without a mirror, silent mental and physical self hurting was common now.
“No big deal.”

And on one family dinner, she had her sister come over. Her sister was a tiny 5-year old innocent, adorable ball of happiness and sunshine,who this girl, adored.
At the time of dinner, when she was asked to look for the little sister, she went in and looked around the house, and found her standing in front of the mirror.
Not just standing, but from behind the door she noticed that this girl was completely replicating the words, actions and sayings, as herself, on every other day, dissing her the way she looked and criticizing herself.

This shook her.This made her realize that not only did she ruin her own little state of mind and conditioned if to look for faults in herself , but she was making a very big impact on her loved ones.
She was influencing the little one to follow her footsteps, and only then did she realize, that what she had been doing for so long was wrong.
Completely wrong.

She went inside and hugged her little ball of sunshine, and from that day, things took a big, BIG turn.

So, don’t wait for such a day, where it suddenly hits you.
Let this be your sudden hit, and learn.
Learn that you influence people on levels you don’t realize.
Learn that you’re gonna have flaws, but you know you can rock ’em.
Learn that, yeah, criticism is required every once in a while, but self-love is the one thing that is simply essential for you to be happy.
And come on, we all want to be happy. 

Self love, is the best love.

When I’m silent, I’ve got a hidden Thunder Inside.

It’s crazy what passion does to you.




It blurs your vision, makes you go crazy, head over heels even, making you think it’s the only thing you need.
It paints the most perfect picture in your head. The one in which you believe, the one which you know, can come true. The one with the happy endings, one partner, a cup of coffee, a fireplace and a good book for your lazy Sunday evenings.

Wanting this perfect dream of yours, you work. You work hard. Step by step, inch by inch, drop by drop, and in this path of yours to reach the perfect image, you will stumble and fall down a couple of hundred times, but that is only the beginning to your journey.

Many times, I would believe, “This is it, this is what I’ve always wanted, this is what I thought was perfect, life can’t get better”.
And that’s exactly when you fall. You fall so hard you don’t even realize whether you’re standing on top of the world or sitting underneath the depths of the waves.

So I did.
I fell.
Not just underneath the waves, but underneath the depths of insanity, where the doors were locked and the key was confidence, attempts, revival.

Not having a clue of how hard I’d fallen in this lalaland of happy places, imaginary faces, dreamy eyes and unbroken ties, I joined the crowd, got lost in the tears and held on to nothing but pen a paper.

Soon enough, a crippling sadness bellowed my stomach, making my throat sore, painful and drained.
I relived every moment in my head, sad and happy, that had been placed by these honorable people. But the sadness turned into pain, and it felt painful just to breathe.

So I let the ink flow, I wrote down each word, each detail and each event, turning into someone with large exterritorial walls, who was looking for the air in the middle of the bottomless ocean. A change was required, a change that was the start of my revival.
And that change, simply strikes you over a cup of coffee on any wonderful morning, where the realization of having enough of this whirlwind sets in.

Maybe we don’t outgrow people; maybe we don’t outgrow feelings. The feelings of fake starting over’s and more happy faces can’t hide the strong signs of acrimony.
We just learn to adjust with time, and more people.
So I let time heal me.

Heal me of the fresh wounds that had been placed, the ones that I had just realized had gotten deeper, deeper than the depths of the waves of insanity.

The desire to achieve magazine cover happiness may seem like a star you can reach out to with just a stretch of a hand, but hiding behind each little item placed in that magazine cover is the work of another 50 people.
So have desires, have passions, have dreams, and set goals.
But know your limits, know your potential, and judge you situations, don’t let other people control you.
Do what you want, cut things off, start afresh, go skydiving or for a walk with the little boy across the street.

Simply remember,
remember to judge the depths of the waves of your insanity before you reach the shores of your emotion filled ocean.